I'm writing this at the Bovina Community Hall awaiting the premiere of the third in a seemingly never ending series of stories about Bovina written by an Anonymous Lady of Bovina. This one is set in 1890 and includes Paris Hilson, a woman of dubious character, Brawney LaFever, our hero, Sneezy Jeepers, our villian. The Jeepers family have appeared in all three melodramas - he has brothers Snidely and Sneaky. I've been told the family was quite large and lived in a hollow (or holler). So the stores may continue. These events are a fund raiser for the Bovina Public Library.
So it starts: Pansy Flowers and her daughter Aster mother and daughter are upset about Sneezy Jeepers wanting their rent to be paid. Pansy paints watercolors of Bovina heifers. Sneezy has just showed up. He was going to reveal his real name but he sneezed too much. So he's demanding the rent and if not rent, Pansy will have to marry Jeepers. Sneezy has revealed his adopted deaf mute child. Pansy has refused to marry Sneezy so she and her daughter are praying. In steps Rev. Doright Huggable of the Bovina UP Church - Pansy and Aster are thrilled to see him. Unfortunately, he has not succeeded in collecting enough money for the rent, but they will always make sure that they have the finest Bovina Milk, Butter and Ground Chuck. Paris Hilson has arrived, looking for the Reverend. She's hot to trot for the Reverend. But she's a singer, dancer, actor and entertainer. Gasps galore! She's revealed horrible news about Sneezy Jeepers' plans for his deaf mute child. She knows this because Jeepers did the same thing to her. And now arrive Brawney LaFever and the Handsome Stranger with a Beard. Well, Paris has a LaFever for Brawney LaFever! After trying to get the Handsome Stranger to speak, unsuccessfully, back comes Jeepers demanding the rent or marriage. Jeepers reveals Paris Hilson as disreputable, but Brawney has only eyes for Paris. And the Handsome Stranger turns out to be Pansy's husband! Paris gives Jeepers the rent and tells him to scram. But when he tried to take the deaf mute to 'boarding school' (gasps) everyone steps in to stop this travesty. The great Bovina Creamery flood of 1888? Everyone thought Pansy's son Crocus died in this flood. Well, gasp, the deaf mute is the missing son, dressed as a girl by Jeepers. Handsome Stranger clobbers Jeepers. Brawney clobbers him. The reverend condemns him. And the audience throws stuff at him. And Sneezy's name turns out to be 'Snodgrass' ('Snodgrass?'). But he can be saved by the goodness in Bovina. 'One of the most glorious spots on God's green earth.' Rock my soul in the bosom of Abraham. And Sneezy is cured of all his evilness! Applause. The End.
Ok, this will look all very confusing - and Bovina history took a few steps back tonight ('I've got a LaFever for Brawney LaFever?' Geesh!). But what fun! So I post it as written.